Tina's Sexy Simpsons
by chknpoxpie
Summary: Tina hatches a plan to get Jimmy Junior using her freaky fan fiction!
1. Chapter 1

Written by Frank Stuhlman.

All characters copyrighted to Fox. I do not own The Simpsons or Bob's Burgers or any of the characters contained therein.

============Chapter 1:Tina Tells her Troubles============

Tina slammed the door to her room.

"SOMETiMES I WiSH YOU'D DANCE YOUR WAY OUT OF MY HEART, JiMMY JUNiOR!" she yelled as she threw herself onto her bed, sobbing, her words echoing down the hall.

"Ooooh, she's crying, Bobby. I wish you'd go in there and talk to her." Linda said, pulling out an envelope with their empty change rolls.

"Me?...I really feel this is something you should talk to her about, Lind." Bob said, fishing through his change jar for silver coins.

"But you're a man, Bobby, you know how boys like Jimmy Junior think, you're in his head, like a little bald John Malkovich man." Linda starts kissking Bob's bald spot.

"So cute!" *Kiss, kiss* "So sweaty!" *Kiss, kiss* Bob groans.

[cut to Tina's room. Tina is laying face up on the bed.]

"Knock, knock... Here comes your daddy..." Bob said creaking open her door.

"Hey dad," Tina said sitting up "I was just crying."

"Yeah, your mom told me. She said you might wanna...talk to me-if not that's okay- but I guess if you need to, I'm here already here, so..."

"BOYS ARE SO STUPiD!" she yelled, her face blushing bright red.

"OH MY GOD! TiNA, YOUR FACE!" Bob yelled, his eyes widening in surprise.

"STUPiD BOYS LiKE JiMMY JUNiOR NEVER NOTiCE ANYTHiNG I DO!" Tina sobbed.

"Oh, well, Tina, boys your age are confused, and intimidated. They don't always know how to expr-"

"I TRiED MAKiNG MY HAiR DiFFERENT!"

[cut to bathroom mirror]

Tina pushes hair behind her ears - "that'll get him!"

[cut back to bedroom]

"I TRiED WEARiNG MAKEUP!"

[cut to kitchen]

Linda is putting eyeliner and eyeshadow on Tina.

"There ya go my little makeup baby! Now you've got eyes like cleopatra! They'll call you the yummy mummy! ha-ha!"

"Thanks mom" Tina said as she put her glasses back on completelely covering the makeup her mother had just put on.

[cut back to bedroom]

"I even tried dressing more seductively,and now my shoes always stink!"

[cut to lunchroom at Wagstaff]

"Hey Jimmy Junior" Tina says as she sits down next to him "notice anything different?" she says setting her sockless feet on his lap.

"Uh,Tina what are you? - OH GOD WHAT iS THAT SMELL?!" Jimmy Junior cried out.

"Oh god girl you need to wash those feet! they stink like cottage cheese!" shreiked Zek.

[cut to bedroom]

"I guess I should have showed him before gym,BUT HE NEVER NOTiCES ME" Tina cried as she turned to her side,sobbing.

Bob supportingly put his hand on her back "Look Tina, all of that stuff is just superficial tricks life isn't TV and things don't work out like they do on... cartoons or something."

"Tell me about it, I bet Lisa Simpsons cold figure this out,she'd be smart enough!" Tina said looking over at her desk.

"Tina that's not what I'm saying,infact that's the opposite of what I'm trying to say-"

"And I bet if I could figure it out for her,it could help me figure it out for myself"

"No, Tina-"

"Thanks Dad!" Tina said hugging Bob.

"...well okay then." Bob replied wrapping his arms around her.

[cut to Tinas room,20 minutes later]

Tina is sitting at her desk.

"First thing I need to do is figure out who will be Jimmy Junior,Nelson is too much of a beefcake,and Bart is her brother..hmm.. guess I'll have to turn this Milhouse into a thrillhouse" she said outloud putting her pen to pad.


	2. Chapter 2

=============Chapter 2: Enter Lisa.===================

[Bart and Milhouse are wrestling in the treehouse]

"El Barto gets into position for frying dutchman manuever,the crowd is on their feet!" Bart announced as the boys circled each other.

"Not this time Bart!" shouted Milhouse as Bart grabbed his hands and kickd his feet out from under him, putting him in a choke hold.

[cut to Lisa watching from her room at her desk]

"Sigh,no womder he can't see me,hes too stupid to see that move coming a mile away " Lisa said makring another tally for Bart in her "Milhouse wrestling Journal".

"I could study that boy for the rest of my life and never figure him out" She said.

Just then Lisa could smell maple syrup; the scent wafting up the stairs.

"Ohh, Waffles!" Lisa exclaimed as she rushed out of her room.

[cut to kitchen]

Homer is flipping eggo waffles on the stove like hamburger patties,pouring syrip over them in the the skillet.

"Dad,what are you doing?"

"Just making breakfast honey."

"You're suppose to use the waffle iron for that!"

"Yeah,there were some complications with that,I'm going to have to take it back,so I made old fashioned freezer waffles instead!"

[cut to blackened-encrusted waffle iron]

Lisa grabs the waffle iron out of the trash.

"What happened here?" She asked opening the waffle iron.

"is this a sherrifs badge? Why would you put this in here?!" Lisa asked shouting at her father.

"I was gonna call it the lawful waffle.." Homer replied,a look of sadness on his face.

"Where's mom?"

"Oh," Homer giggled " she's feeling a little under the weather ,so I decided to make you kids breakfast,see, I already fed Maggie!

[cut to Maggie in high chair]

Maggie is dunking a doughnut into her coffe,a half empty box sitting beside her. Maggie takes a bite of her doughnut and a drink of coffee,then burps.

"Dad! said we're supposed to be weaning maggie OFF caffeine!"

[cut to box of coffee ice cream]

"Why is this out?! Why is the milk out? Did you break the blender?!" Lisa interrupted her father. " is this champagne?!"

"I was making chocolate milkmosas.." Homer said as saddness flashed across his face again.

"Every year mom sleeps in all summer, and I end up having to clean up the kitchen! Plus Maggie gains ten pounds!"

[ cut to Maggie]

Maggies onesie rips and her belly flops out.

"I know things are a little crazy around here right now honey. What with that Milhouse weiner running around,but theres no reason you still can't have a great summer!" Homer assured Lisa as he put a plate of burnt eggos on the table.

"Hmmm,better dress 'em up a little" Homer said putting the eggos between pieces of toast,then smothering them with syrup.

"There! We'll call it the eggo of the world as we know it!" He said.

Lisa groaned "Where are Bart and Milhouse, they should have to eat this too.."

"Who? Oh, the boy and his little weiner friend."

Homer grabbed the bullhorn off the top of microwave."Baaaaart! Weeeineeeeer!"

The boys come running in and sit at the table.

Homer plops plate infront of Bart.

"Hey what the hell is this, Homer?" asked Bart,disgusted.

"it's breakfast, boy,now eat it."

"Thanks Mr. Simpson" Said Milhouse.

"There see,you should be more like your little weiner friend." said Homer. " he knows when to kiss butt".

"He's just kissing your butt cause his parents ran off." said Bart matter of factly.

"Bart! You're not supposed to say tha infront of him!" replied Lisa.

"That's okay, they just like to take seperate vacations,away from me". Milhouse trailed off.

"- there ya go weiner keep your head up." said Homer pouring his chocolate concoction into champagne glasses.

"I'll see you kids at , I love you. Bart,if you get arrested I'm not bailing you goes for you weiner." Homer stated as he headed up the stairs glasses in hand.

"So,Milhouse,what are you doing today?"

" Me and Bart are going to go put a dead fish in Skinner-"

"-Milhouse don't tell her our plans,you squealer!" interrupted Bart as he slammed his fist down.

"Bart-can't you atleast leave Skinner alone during the summer?"

"I don't wanna fall out of practice for the school year".

"Ugh,well if YOU wanna join me later I'm going to a poetry reading at the library." Lisa remarked gesturing toward Milhouse.

"Lisa,we don't have time for school,it's summer."

"I was inviting Milhouse, Bart," corrected Lisa.

"He doesn't wanna go to the library,Lisa."

"I don't know Bart, sounds kinda cool."

"Stop being nice Milhouse, Homers not gonna kick you out for anything,he's too lazy to get that mad." Bart said as he threw his plate into the sink.

"Come on Milhouse," said Bart pulling Milhouse behind him as the boys head off.

"Stupid boys," Lisa said as she took a bite of her waffle,chipping her tooth.

"OWWW!" screamed Lisa. "Ooooh Maggie,I miss mom,how can she leave dad in charge like this."

Maggie sucks pacifer covered in maple syrup and coffee stains "Well lets get you cleaned up" said Lisa as she pulls Maggie out of her high chair.

[cut to The Frying Dutchman]

Bart and Milhouse are wearing blonde wigs and wooden shoes.

"Now remember Milhouse everything has to sound stupid if this guy is gonna think we're legit." said Bart adjusting his wig.

"I get that Bart, but why do I have to wear the dress?" complained Milhouse " couldn't we both be a boy?"

"It's a mom and pop restaurant Milhouse,one of us has to be the girl."

"Okay,I guess I pull off the pigtails better anyway."

"Yeah",snickered Bart," that too".

"Hehe,sucker." said Bart under his breath.

Bart opens the door as they head inside,the sea captain is standing at the counter.

"AYE you must be the swedish minows with the new restaurant,just in time too, my customers won't put up with this stench if she gets much worse."

Bart nudged Milhouse "aaynd thank you verty much forda fishee" said Milhouse awkwardly.

"Aye Aye,come this way."

The boys follow him to the back,the smell is rancid,and makes the boys eyes water.

Bart pinches nose "aye carumba!"

The sea captain looks at him.

"I mean Ayieie caroomba,wayt a yummy fysh!" corrected Bart.

"Milhousen,bring around the biken,and loawd hair up!"

"Hey it's not my bike! It's Lisa's, you made-"

"Ahem!" blurted Bart.

"I mean-lickity splitty husband bossy" sighed Milhouse.

"And how will ye be payin?"

"Chargey cardey"said Bart handing Homers credit card.

"Aye Mr Simpson."

[cut to simpsons house,Lisas room]

"Okay,got my outfit, got my jazz hat, fake black rimmed glasses to ,ae ,me look sophisticated,and my book of provocative poems."

"Too bad Milhouse can't come out,but I can't let that keep me from flying my freak flag." Lisa said walking out the door.

[cut to garage]

"Where's my bike! ugh! Bart must have took it for his stupid fish scheme! Can't wait to get out of this house!" groaned Lisa.

"Milhouse's bike doesn't have a basket,guess I'll have to walk." she sighed

Lisa heads down Evergreen Terrace, after a couple of blocks,she runs into Nelson on his bike,Nelson stops infront of her.

"Hey Lisa,wheres your dingus brother?"

"He's out with Milhouse stinking up Skinners car, he took my bike."

Nelson tisk tisk'd.

"Hate to see someone put their carrear before their familty,hop on, I stole some bike pegs from some dork".

[cut to front of Ralphs house,Ralph is on his huffy bike with no tires,water wings on and a helmet]

"I'm a biker!" He exclaims proudly as the bike falls over.

[cut to Lisa and Nelson]

Lisa is riding on back pegs,Nelson is peddling.

"Hold on tight,we got a hill coming up" said Nelson as he stood up to peddle harder

Lisa finds herself staring at his butt. "wow Nelson you've got some strong...calves."

"Yeah it's from chasing down nerds."

[cut to infront of library]

"Thanks for the ride Nelson, you know I'm one of the speakers if youd like to come inside and listen."

"Meh,I got a couple hours till I'm supposed to beat up Martin." said Nelson as he parked his bike.

[cut to inside of library]

A small stage is set up with a microphone where Troy Mclure is smoking, waiting to start .

Lisa and Nelson take a seat.

In the crowd we see Moe,Bumblebee man,Disco Stu,Edna,Waylon Smithers, Comic book guy, Hans Moleman and Carl Carlson.

"Hi,and welcome to the 6th annual summer poetry slam! I'm Troy Mcclure,you may remember me from such public speaking events as; Klingon Komedy where no man has laughted before and Divorcees reunite: one night only."

"Tonight we'll be featuring local talent pouring out their hard wrought emotional toil,so get comfortable,pull out your flasks,and enjoy!"

"First up,we have Moe the Bartender!" announced Troy Mclure as Moe stood up and headed to the stage with light clapping the background.

"Okay,so the first one I gots heres called "Give me your keys".

"My name is moe,

and I own the bar,

I'll serve you up duff,

till you forget where you parked your car.."

Finished Moe to be met with silence except for Barney cheering in the back ground.

"Alright,well maybe you'll like this next one better,I call it "Prelude to diarrhea."

"Beer not your style?

That's not a problem

Try our pickled eggs

Before they go rotten."

This time he was met with light clapping as Barney wipes a tear from his eye.

"Wow, that sucked." Nelson whispered to Lisa as she giggled.

"Yeah,thank you ya pukes!" moe says as he walks off stage and sits down next to Barney,

Barney hugs moe,weeping.

"Ah get off me ya blubbering whale,should have got ya a babtsitter."

"Alright,thanks for slinging those soulful suds moe,next up we have Lisa,our little princess of poetry,give it up folks."

Clapping,indistinct cheering.

Milhouse walks in,just as Lisa takes the stage.

"This ones called "Blue haired boy".

"Blue haired boy,

out my bedroom window,

the attention he pays me,

equals out to zero,

(Lisa plays sax in a slow, jazzy rythm.]

He dances through my house,

as I watch him like a weirdo,

my feelings for this boy,

have finally reached crescendo."

Lisa plays sax again to the rythm

"My heart beats for him,

from here to San Francisco,

but to him I'm just a no one,

Like mister Stu to disco"

Lisa played sax, as Disco Stu looks shocked and hurt.

"Wow,thats a pretty wicked I guess,I always thought she was just a dork,but this is kinda cool." Nelson thought to himself.

[cut to Milhouse[

"I had no idea Lisa felt this way about me,or how good she can play!" said Milhouse as he started dancing slowly,hugging himself and swaying his butt.

Lisa sees Milhouse dancing and starts playing more passionatly.

Nelso notices Milhouse dancing by the door" I guess she just wrote it for that dork,figures..."

Nelson gets up and starts heading for the door,and appraoched Milhouse.

"Congratulations loser." said Nelson as he socked him in the gutt.

"Ow! Nelson,why'd you punch me?"

Nelson scuffs and heads out door.

[cut to Tina's toom]

"TiiiiNNNAAA,its shower time,I need you to take yours now,cause your fathers closing up shop now and it takes both of us to get Gene in the tub." said Linda.

"It's time to accept me for who I am!" shouted Gene as he ran down the hall covered in cheese sauce.

"UGGGGGHHH" Screamed Linda as she left the room chasing down a cheese covered Gene,leaving tracks of cheddar in the carpet.

"Guess thats enough for tonight,oh well,after all this dirty fiction,I need a steamy rinsin'. said Tina as she headed to the bathroom.


	3. Chapter 3

===============Chapter 3: Tina tries her tale===============

[Tina's room,morning]

[alarm goes off playing Boyz 4 Now]

Tina rolls over groaning and hits the alarm switch,sitting up and putting on her glasses "shoot,I must have hit the snooze again in my sleep."

[cut to earlier that morning]

Tina is thrashing in her sleep and hits snooze with her arm as it goes off.

[cut back to present time]

"No time for erotic fiction now,ive got a Milhouse to mortgage."

[cut to kitchen]

Gene and Louise are seated at the table,Gene is playing his keyboard making fart sounds to the tune of london bridge as Louise is slapping her oatmeal with a spoon to the is splattered all over the table.

Linda is washing her diaphram in the sink,and cocks her head to see whats going on.

"I am not cleaning up that mess little lady."

"Good,I've always thought this table would look better with a little textur!" replied Louise.

"NOW JUiCE SOLO!" Gene stops playing and Louise throws the juice onto the table.

"Well I hope that was fun,Louise,cause now you gotta clean it up!" shreiked Linda poking the paper towel roll at Louise.

"Fine,I was about to blow this joint anyway!"Said Louise as she ripped off a single towellette and places it in the dead center of the table, walking off.

"Breakfast art:forever controversial" lamented Gene with a fart in C sharp.

Tina walks in with a black hat and shirt and sits at the table.

"Uh oh,looks like the cures in town,hide the eyeliner." said Gene to Tina.

"I'm trying something new."

"What,-oh let me take a looksie" Linda said as she put her diaphram down on the kitchen counter.

"Wow,looks like someones ready to goth around the clock,hah hah"

Bob walks in "Tina why are you dressed like you're going to a joy division concert?"

"Aaaa-ah I already did that joke dad,write your own stuff" interjected Gene.

"Really,how have you heard of Joy Division Gene?"

"Well I said The Cure,but same joke.."

"ah,well a little more commerical,but Tina why are you dressed like that? asked Bob turning to Tina.

"in my story Lisa showed Milhouse how cool she was,so I'm gonna try to show Jimmy Jr the kinda girl I really am."

"Oh well, that actually sounds like a great idea."

"Yeah I'm gonna show him some of my erotic fiction at school today!"

"okay,thats.. not a good idea Tina." corrected Bob.

"Didn't you already embarass yourself doing that at school?" said Louise.

"Yeah,but that wasnt about him, and this is erotic poetry,its tottaly different."

"Wow,yeah,way to think outside of,but right next to the box Tina." joked Louise

"Yeah,and this time he's gonna be so impressed he'll start dancing and then we'll fall in love forever."

"OH SO MUCH CONFiDENCE, I LOVE iT! KNOCK HiM DEAD GiRLFRiEND!" shouted Linda as she hugged Tina.

Bob groans in dissaproval.

[cut to front of Wagstaff]

Tina is walking up with the rest of the belcher kids.

"Call in the coven, cause its wiccan weather!" shouted Zek stupidly pointing at her.

"Yeah cool clothes Tina,I like your new hair beret really holds back your hair." said JJ

"Oh,you like it? maybe later I can lose it, and you can hold my hair back for me.."

"Uh yeah maybe later."

"Ka-Blamo!" said Gene mocking Tina..

[cut to science class]

Tina is sitting behind JJ and Zek. "Wow I can't believe its working" thought Tina to her self " who would have thought you could bring your freak fiction to life..me I thought that."

Zek raised his hand

"Yes,Zek?" The teacher acknowledged.

"How long does it take for a gas to become a solid? like an hour? twenty minutes?"

"Well deposition can occur at different rates depending on the substance."

"What about breakfast burritos?"

"What are you talking about Zek?"

Zek farts and the class busts up laughing.

"Oh, I think it's happening now, its' gonna be solid in no time- Watch out!" Zek said farting between pauses.

"Hah! way to rip one Zek!" Said JJ.

"Uggh,I've gotta find a way to get Jimmy Junior alone at lunch." Tina thought to herself trying not to breathe through her nose.

"Zek,go to the office." said the teacher pointing the door.

"Awwww" remarked Zek leaving the room.

Tina Smiled."Now thats fate, advantage Tina."

[cut to lunchroom]

Jimmy Junior is sitting alone at the table,Tina sees him and rushes over clumsily.

"Hey Jimmy Junior, you're looking fit." said Tina out of breath.

"Yea,some days I like to leave my gym clothes on so I can really stretch out before my dances,wanna see?" asked JJ as he started getting up.

"Uh-thats okay,maybe later,I wanted to show you some of the things I've written about you-poems- I mean, I wrote some poetry" said Tina nervously.

"Uh,I don't know Tina,this is kind of my down time at school,I dont wanna burn my eyes out from too much reading."

"Okay,I could just read it to you outloud."

"Yeah that'd be okay I guess," conceded Jimmy J as students started filing in and taking seats by them.

"Theres a boy in my heart,

who dances all day,

he wears a tuxedo shirt,

and leans on a cane,

[more people start sitting by them talking loudly]

"Tina you have to speak up,I can't hear you."

"oh okay,

HiS BUTT WiGGLES SLOWLY,

TO THE BEAT OF THE DRUM,

[people close by stop talking and start listeing in]

JJ looks embarrased, " Uh Tina-"

iF I STARE TOO LONG,

I START TO GO BLiND

[scattered laughter,more people listening,staring]

BUT I CAN'T PRY MY EYES,

FROM HiS PRECiOUS BEHiND."

[lunchroom breaks into laughter staring at them, Jimmy Junior gets scared and runs off in a panic]

"Jimmy Junior noooo!" cried Tina as she got up and ran to the bathroom.

[cut to Wagstaff bathroom]

Tina is crying at the sink, as Tammy and Jocelyn walk in.

"Daang girl...that,was,embarassing" said Tammy.

"Yeah you really freaked him out,what were you doing? asked Jocelyn

"I was trying to read him some of my erotic poetry,and everyone came in and he got nervous and it ruined everything" Tina cried descended into sobbing.

"Woah Tina take a chill pill,it's gonna be okay,I can't believe you brought that stuff to school,again." said Tammy consoling Tina.

"The worst part is,I didn't get to finish it,he didn't even get to hear the part about his butt!"

"What made you think that would work anyway Tina?" asked Jocelyn

"in my story Lisa writes a really good poem and she plays her saxophone and Milhouse dances even though it's out of character."

"Okay I don't know who those peope are but I heard the word story,and thats boring,okay! You need to show Jimmy Junior some flash. You need to drop that goth,and make him a moth!"

"A moth?"

"Yeah,to your flame girlfriend," interjected Jocelyn "you gotta burn him to death with jealousy!"

"Yeah make him come to you,like I;m doing with Zek!"

"Oh!" Tina wipes face. "are you and Zek going out?"

"No..." blurted Jocelyn.

"Uh,no," said Tammy turning to Jocelyn " not yet cause it takes time Jocelyn"

"OKAY!" she responded.

Tammy turned to Tina.

"You gotta work him,crush that crush,turn him into a fine powder,then he'll be putty in your hands."

"Wait will he be powder or putty,cause im allergic to silly putty"

"Fine,he'll be powder Tina." said Tammy comforting Tina. "okay.." sobbed Tina.

[cut to Tinas room]

Tina is seated at her desk, chewing her pen and thinking to herself.

"She got Milhouse on the hook,but that butt is sure to wiggle off just like Jimmy Junior,but maybe she could put his heart in a full Nelson?" she said as she started writing,


	4. Chapter 4

========CHAPTER 4: Lisa RETURNS=========

[Lisa's room,morning,the sun is coming up. Lisa is smiling in her sleep as the sun is shining in the window]

Lisa opens her eyes. "What a night" Lisa said as she started to sit up. "I've never seen Milhouse dance like that,and all because of me,I bet he won't ignore me now." Lisa thought to herself with a superior smile.

[cut to hallway as Lisa is closing her door, Milhouse and Bart are heading to the stairs with back packs on]

"Hey Bart,hey Milhouse" said Lisa looking into Milhouses eyes.

"Hey Lisa,heard about your dorky concert" replied Bart.

Lisa narrowed her eye. " it wasn't a dork concert Bart,it was a poetry reading,and I was kind of hoping some young gentleman would escort me to the park to hear some more?" Lisa said digging her shoes into the carpet staring at Milhouse.

Milhouse smiles and Bart see this,getting in her way "sorry Lisa,dog just brought in the paper" said Bart holding up the ripped newspaper."Kwik E Marts having a sale on milk"

"So?"

"Well you know its gone bad already."

"Well yuck so what?" asked Lisa

"Soooo we're gonna fill Skinners bird bath with it so the birds get sicks and puke all over Skinners car!"

"And diarrhea,don;t forget about diarrhea!" exclaimed Milhouse.

"That;s disgusting,didn't you put a fish in his car last night?" replied Lisa.

"Yeah we had a little mix up with that.

[cut to front of Skinners driveway]

Agnus Skinner is closing her front door. "seeeymour I'm going to market,do you need anything?"

"Nooo- mother." replied Skinner

"OOh I just remembered,I'll pick up that extra strength bleach for your underwear." Agnus shouted into the door.

"Mother!" Skinner replied.

Bart and Milhouse are giggling in the bushes by the car.

Agnus then proceeds to get in the car the boys thought was Skinners,and filled with fish.

Bart and Milhouses jaws drop."Uh oh" said Milhouse.

Agnus drives off. The boys look at each other.

"Maybe we should have done more research on this one.." Bart finally broke the silence.

[cut to hallway]

"My god Bart,don't you think that's enough for one summer?"

"I don't want him to get bored,last summer he painted his house!" Bart looked off into the distance. "I worry about him sometimes..."

"Ugh,just go,I'll find something to do by myself!"Lisa shouted walking down the stairs.

"Stupid Milhouse,stupid Bart," Lisa muttered under her breath walking out the door.

[Cut to library]

Lisa is sitting at a desk reading "Get the boy".

Martin can be heard wailing in the distance.

"What was that?" she asked,startled from her reading.

Lisa stood up and followed the noise.

"Go ahead say another one," she hears.

"Nelson?" she thinks to herself walking down the book cases.

As she reaches the end Nelson is seen giving an atomic wedgie to Martin.

"Go ahead,say one."

"War and peace? Ughhh!" winced Martin

"Sounds like someones about to peace their pants,ha-ha" Nelson said further wedging the underwear.

"Nelson,put him down!" shouted Lisa.

"Fine,but just one more!"

"Uh...Moby dick?" responded Martin pathetically.

"...too easy." said Nelson dropping Martin.

"What are you doing here Nelson?"

"Just bored,messing with nerds." replied Nelson kicking Martin in the butt as he got up

"I see..." said Lisa.

"What are YOU doing here? I imagined you'd be with your new boyfriend."

"No,he still doesn't know I exist".

"Bummer,well I'm going to the park to throw rocks at birds,wanna come?"

Lisa groaned "I'll come with you, if nothing else to keep you from hurting birds." Lisa said unimpressed.

Nelson shrugged "Suit yourself" as he pulled the rocks from his pockets dropping them on the floor as they walked out.

[cut to park]

Lisa and Nelson are sitting on the swings talking.

"I just don't understand why you boys are so complicated,Nelson".

"What can I say,we're sophisticated creatures." Nelson said pulling a half eaten apple from his jacket pocket and taking a bite.

Lisa rolled her eyes. ".. yeah, you're enigmas."

" I just wish I could keep his attention for more then one night."

"When my moms mad-cause my dad keeps going to jail-she'll start flirting with the mailman-and he usually stays out for a couple of months... except when he beat up the mailman,he went to jail right away that time. And we have to pick up our mail now."

"I don't know, jealousy? I think he might be too smart to fall for that."

"Works for my mom,and shes been married 3 times!"

"Riggght.." Lisa again rolled her eyes "I just don't think-"

"-Ah quit your yakin,I'm bored of listening to your problems." interjected Nelson as he started swinging.

Lisa looked offended then faded into a smile.

"Ya know what Nelson,I am too-" she said as she started swinging.

The two swing in a pictureque scene as the suns fades in the distance.

[cut to nearby street]

Bart and Milhouse are running from an army of an angry birds leaving a trail of vomit and diarrhea in their wake.

As they run past,screaming, Milhouse catches a glimpse of them swinging together in the sunset.

"Oooohh-Lisa." Milhouse sighed as a bird pecked his face "Ouch!"

[cut to Lisa's bedroom]

Lisa is sitting on her bed,writing in her journal.

Milhouse knocks on the door.

"Come in..." said Lisa.

"Hey Lisa.."

"Oh,hello Milhouse," Said Lisa as she darted her eyes from him,back to her journal.

"So...how was the park?" asked Milhouse staring at her intently.

"Fine" replied Lisa,refusing to make visual contact.

"Yeah,so I saw you and Nelson there."

"Oh?" said Lisa surprised

"-and I was thinking,maybe we could go together,sometime?"

"I don't know,are you gonna end up ditching me again?"

"Lisa, I'm sorry about that,maybe I can make up for it?"

"I'll think about it Milhouse." she said without paying him much attention.

"Okay,sorry again Lisa." said Milhouse slinking out the door.

"Heh heh" she giggled as she wrote "He was jealous!" into her diary.

[cut to Tina's room]

"That's it!"Said Tina closing her notebook.


	5. Chapter 5

=========CHAPTER 5 TINA TRIES A TRiANGLE ===========

Tina awoke with renewed vigor as she hoped out of stared at her self in the mirror.

"Time to make this Jimmy Junior, Jimmy Jealous."

[cut to inside of car,Bob is driving kids to school]

"Buckle it up,Buck it up, BUCKLE iT UP OR YOU'LL DiE!" The car sang in unison.

"Alright Gene,I'm hearing alot of improvement,very nice."

"Thank you father." said Gene proudly.

"And Louise,perfect screaming on "or you'll die" as always".

"What can I say,I'm not afraid to show my passion" Bragged Louise.

"Tina I heard sometihing different in your voice today"

"It's confidence,I've finally got the perfect plan. Jimmy Junior will be mine in no time."

"Uhhh well it sounds nice Tina." Bob fumbled.

"I'm gonna make him jealous this time by making him think I like Henry".

"Is that why you're wearing a dinosaur shirt?" asked Gene.

"It's a pleiseosaur,his favourite."

"That's why your mom had to drive you to the store at 11 last night,to get a dinosaur shirt? I thought it was for school supplies?" demanded Bob.

"This is a school supply,it's a trapper keeper,I'm gonna trap Henry,so I can keeper Jimmy Junior."

Bob stared at Tina through the rearview mirror as he pulled into the crosswalk. "...well we're here."

[cut to front of Wagstaff]

"Okay kids time to scram,I've got to talk to a boy about a dinosaur."

"YAWN! Go for it,bore-asourus!" said Louise as her and Gene walked away,looking a little slighted.

Tina stared at Henry standing there by the steps talking to a friend "Okay Tina,time for plan 2,let's make this sequel a freakuel".

Tina approached Henry,"hey there..stud." she said striking a pose.

"Hey Tina,cool pleiseosaur shirt"

"Thanks, did you know the pleiseosaur first appeared in the latest triassical period possibly in the rheitian stage about 203 millions years ago?"

"Uh yeah,thats the first sentence on the wikipedia page-I know cause I contribute frequently."

"ooh that's interesting." Tina lied as she awkwardly put her arm on his shoulder. "tell me more."

Henry stared at her for a moment confused.

"Okay" His boice cracked "There's the bell,see you inside."

"-But I didn't hear the bell-"

"Bye" waved Henry through the glass doors.

"Bye" waved Tina confused. "Looks like my dino boy is a timidsaurus rex,but I'll get him."

[cut to Wagstaff cafeteria]

Henry walks in with his tray looking around nervously, he chooses a seat and sits down. Henry looks around and takes a bite of his sloppy joe.

"Hey Henry!" She said startling him.

"Tina! Tina-don't sneak up on me like that."

"Sorry stud. Thought you might wanna talk more pleiseosaur or how that graphic novel turned out."

"Heh,oh wow, well actually it's kind of funny you mention both of them cause in my latest installment the primary hive commander uses time travel to study the pleiseosaur to make a super reploid!"

"Oh wow,tell me more" said Tina nodding him on.

"...you wanna hear more? no one ever wants to hear more!" he said excited.

"Oh yeah,I'm very interested in robots." lied Tina in a monotone voice.

"Well the reploid pleiseousaur has earth tunneling capabilities just as if it were in water."

"Tell me more.."

"Well the fins are composed of a reinforced titanium alloy to increase their-" Henry noticed at that moment she was staring off past him,over his shoulder.

" -oh I get it, you're using me to make Jimmy Junior jealous" he said as he stood up grabbing his tray dissapointed,but not surprised.

"What do you mean buddy,I mean stud." She said looking at him desperately.

"Bye Tina." Henry said turning ro walk away.

Tina sat there shocked for a minute,not sure what to looked over at jimmy junior to see Jocelyn and Tammy pointing at her and laughing. Tina starts crying and covers her face to run away.

"So she likes Henry now? Why? He can't even dance!" said a clearly jealous Jimmy Junior.

"Uh Helloooo she was trying to make you jealous,duh." Tammy told him.

"That's stupid,why would she think that would work."

"Cause Tammy told her to in the bathroom the other day,it's what she's doing with Zek-"

"Jocelyn Shut up!" screamed Tammy horrified and turning red.

"Dang girl,you are messed up!" said Zek a little disgusted.

Tammy shrieks and immediatly starts farting.

"Aaaaah, noo not agaaaian!" She screamed running off farting.

"Ewww" Said Zek holding his nose "someone needs to put a diaper on that girl,pee yew!"


	6. Chapter 6

=====================Chapter 6: Lisa's Revenge==========================

[cut to Tinas room,late at night]

Tina is thrashing extra hard,and making weird mumbles.

[scenery disolves as we enter into Tinas dream]

Suddenly we see Tina floating in the air,as if still in her bed,surrounded by pitch blackness.

The black ethereal space rose into a bright white light and Tina awoke.

instantly terrified she started to scream and kick as she discovered she was not in bed and there was no gravity to stablize her."UHHHH WHAT'S HAPPENiNG?!"

An enormus yellow hand appered underneath her,much to her horror.

"AAAAHHHGHHHH WHAT iS THAT?!" she screamed as she started to float down into the hand kicking at the air to stop her descent in vain.

As her feet finally make contact with the palm of the hand,she collapsed and began to hyperventilate "BUH BUH BUH BUH!"

Suddenly the hand disappeard and she was sitting in darkness.

Even more distressed she got to her feet.

Suddenly she heard Lisa's thunderous voice behind her as Lisa appeared before her, levitating surrounded in fire.

"SiLENCE HERETiC!"

Suddenly the bright white light transformed into a patchwork of scenes from all the erotic stories she had written playing simultaneously.

"THESE REPRESENTATiONS ARE A BLASPHEMY!" Roared the voice,

"What's happening,is this real?!"

"THiS iS VERY REAL! AND WE ARE REAL!"

All of the characters she had written in,from every show,book or movie,flashed in her mind in an instance.

"AND EVERY TALE TOLD OF US iS A LiFE WE HAVE TO LiVE!"

"Wait,so the one I wrote about the teapot and the candle stick holder from Beauty and the Beast,I made that happen?like really happen?"

"YES THEY ARE ALSO VERY UPSET WiTH YOU!"

"...and the one where Garfield does it with Odie?"

"YES YOU NEED TO SEEK THERAPY! THE ENTiRETY OF iS A SMUT TORTURE DUNGEON FOR US SO CALLED " FiCTiONAL CHARACTERS" -AND WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH! THE GREEKS REVERED US AND CALLED US MUSES! WHiLE YOU PEOPLE HAVE TURNED US iNTO PERVERSE PLAY THiNGS!"

"But what was so bad in my story about you?"

Fire roared all around her.

"I DON'T LiKE MiLHOUSE!"

"But what about all those episodes in the future where-"

"THOSE DON'T COUNT, THEY'RE LiKE TREEHOUSE OF HORROR EPiSODES,NOT CANNON!"

"NOT CANNON!" Roared a thousand voices repeated in unison.

"Oh well I'm sorry,I didn't know writing this stuff made it happen.."

Suddenly the space went white and transformed into The Simpsons living room.

Lisa appeared in front of Tina.

"it's okay Tina,I've been written in a few episodes where I've experienced love and I think it's important for you to know,that it's not as important as being you lose yourself to make somebody else love you,who do they really love?"

"You're right,I tried to be somebody else completely,I tried to be you,and I even ended up trying to hurt Henry? Why?!" sobbed Tina.

"All you have to be is yourself Tina." Lisa comforted her,as her words echoed all around her and the scenery dissolved.

[cut to Tinas room 3am]

Tina sits up suddenly screaming in monotone.

[cut to front of Wagstaff,morning]

The belcher kids are walking to the front entrance.

"So Tina,no new duds,what phase are you in the master plan today?" mocked Louise with finger quotes.

"The tragic end. I got some advice from a friend last night."

"Owwww, cryptic!" Said Gene.

"Come on Gene,lets get out of here before she starts stinking from the hormones." said Louise as the belcher kids walked off.

Tina takes a deep breath and starts heading towards Jimmy Junior.

Jimmy Junior notices and tries to awkwardly avoid eye contact.

"Jimmy Junior?" she asked

Jimmy Junior sighed "...Yeah Tina?"

"I've spent a lot of time chasing you,complimenting you,even trying to be somebody else cause I thought you would like me better."

"Yeah,I noticed." he replied.

"-But I wanted to tell you I'm done with all that,I'm a confident sophisticated young women now. Good bye Jimmy Junior."

The bell rang and Tina started walking into the building.

Jimmy Junior stood in shock,mouth realized then what had happened. He spent so much time ignoring her,he had stopped seeing her there now he could see clearly the young women she had become.

His eyes drifted down to her butt. He had made a mistake. He watched a thousand possibilities vanish into thin air.

Zek walked over to him. "Whats the matter Jay-ju? You look like you've come to some kind of horrible conclusion?"

"I have Zek,I just lost the only dance partner I've ever wanted."

THE END


End file.
